It Has Been 116 Hours Since I’ve Held You…
So, Heather, our amazing nurse, got Zachary through the night, just has she had promised.
Today was his one month birthday…never did I imagine the month we had just gone through. But my baby was alive on his month birthday. And that was huge.
He was actually pretty stable, and while his bilirubin was decreasing slowly, it was decreasing.
We watched his bili keep dropping every eight hours, and held our breath every time the labs came back.
It’s funny the things you remember…Zach was still intubated, which means the ventilator was breathing for him. I remember watching his chest rise and fall and I remember thanking God for modern day medicine. Because without any of it, my baby wouldn’t be alive.
I remember him sucking on the tube of the ventilator. He had only eaten for a couple days total out of his one month of life, but he remembered what he was missing J
One of the hardest things from the NICU after Zachary was born, was not being able to hold him…and here we were again. We sat by his bedside, held his hand, rubbed his legs, held onto his tiny toes, kissed his forehead, whispered in his ears…but we couldn’t hold him.
On May 20th, his very large team of doctors started talking about extubating him. They said that if he continued to remain stable, and breathe above the ventilator as he had been doing, they would “sprint” him later that day, and hopefully take him off the vent the next day. Sprinting means they would change the settings on the vent, so that Zach was forced to do his own breathing, and see how he did, without having to remove the tube. Considering the fact, that he was breathing above the vent more often than not, they were hopeful his sprints would go well, and extubation would happen the next day.
Small victories were what we looked for in the PICU. Ending a medication, getting rid of a pump, taking out an IV line…all were worth celebrating. So when he did really well with his sprints, we got really excited.
The next morning, May 21st, the team met during rounds, and I was able to join them. They said that today was the day, and they would extubate him! I was so excited…but so guarded. It was alarming how quickly my walls went up.
The day started to get more and more frustrating when they kept pushing back his extubation. They had given him a medication that had the potential of calming his body too much, so they wanted to wait until that wore off more…then, they wanted to wait until the respiratory therapist who had been following him came back from the NICU…on and on and on. It felt like an eternity.
Until he extubated himself………
We had always said, through everything, that we were on Zach’s time. In the NICU after the first surgery, it took him a little longer than they thought for the bile to drain…Zach’s time. It then took him a little bit longer to tolerate feedings…Zach’s time. So this was nothing different. Although this time…he was ready before the doctors were. Our little fighter!
All of a sudden, there were a ton of bubbles coming out of his mouth, and the respiratory therapist looked at him and said, “well, he was ready. He just extubated himself”. Those three words made me realize he was going to be okay. “He was ready”.
He continued to do great all day, and around 10:00pm, Zachary’s surgeon came up to check on him before he went home. He said he was very pleased with him, and that he looked very good. He then stopped mid sentence, looked at me, and said, “you should be holding him. Have you held him yet”?
“No”.
“Hold on”.
Ten minutes later, after 116 hours, 116 very scary, heartbreaking, and exhausting hours…that precious baby was in my arms again.
So, Heather, our amazing nurse, got Zachary through the night, just has she had promised.
Today was his one month birthday…never did I imagine the month we had just gone through. But my baby was alive on his month birthday. And that was huge.
He was actually pretty stable, and while his bilirubin was decreasing slowly, it was decreasing.
We watched his bili keep dropping every eight hours, and held our breath every time the labs came back.
It’s funny the things you remember…Zach was still intubated, which means the ventilator was breathing for him. I remember watching his chest rise and fall and I remember thanking God for modern day medicine. Because without any of it, my baby wouldn’t be alive.
I remember him sucking on the tube of the ventilator. He had only eaten for a couple days total out of his one month of life, but he remembered what he was missing J
One of the hardest things from the NICU after Zachary was born, was not being able to hold him…and here we were again. We sat by his bedside, held his hand, rubbed his legs, held onto his tiny toes, kissed his forehead, whispered in his ears…but we couldn’t hold him.
On May 20th, his very large team of doctors started talking about extubating him. They said that if he continued to remain stable, and breathe above the ventilator as he had been doing, they would “sprint” him later that day, and hopefully take him off the vent the next day. Sprinting means they would change the settings on the vent, so that Zach was forced to do his own breathing, and see how he did, without having to remove the tube. Considering the fact, that he was breathing above the vent more often than not, they were hopeful his sprints would go well, and extubation would happen the next day.
Small victories were what we looked for in the PICU. Ending a medication, getting rid of a pump, taking out an IV line…all were worth celebrating. So when he did really well with his sprints, we got really excited.
The next morning, May 21st, the team met during rounds, and I was able to join them. They said that today was the day, and they would extubate him! I was so excited…but so guarded. It was alarming how quickly my walls went up.
The day started to get more and more frustrating when they kept pushing back his extubation. They had given him a medication that had the potential of calming his body too much, so they wanted to wait until that wore off more…then, they wanted to wait until the respiratory therapist who had been following him came back from the NICU…on and on and on. It felt like an eternity.
Until he extubated himself………
We had always said, through everything, that we were on Zach’s time. In the NICU after the first surgery, it took him a little longer than they thought for the bile to drain…Zach’s time. It then took him a little bit longer to tolerate feedings…Zach’s time. So this was nothing different. Although this time…he was ready before the doctors were. Our little fighter!
All of a sudden, there were a ton of bubbles coming out of his mouth, and the respiratory therapist looked at him and said, “well, he was ready. He just extubated himself”. Those three words made me realize he was going to be okay. “He was ready”.
He continued to do great all day, and around 10:00pm, Zachary’s surgeon came up to check on him before he went home. He said he was very pleased with him, and that he looked very good. He then stopped mid sentence, looked at me, and said, “you should be holding him. Have you held him yet”?
“No”.
“Hold on”.
Ten minutes later, after 116 hours, 116 very scary, heartbreaking, and exhausting hours…that precious baby was in my arms again.